


It's all fun and games till someone dies horribly

by FaiaHae



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bad Things Happen To Carlos, Big Rico's Pizza, Cecil Might be Human or Inhuman, Cecil's Fashion Sense, Everyone is LGBT, M/M, POV Carlos (Welcome to Night Vale), The Scientists Ship Carlos/Cecil, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, cecilos - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-08 04:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 17,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4291338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaiaHae/pseuds/FaiaHae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carlos was set to go to the Ivy league, but with a sick father and a sister who needs to be able to afford schools he's more then willing to compromise for the most scientifically interesting university in America. Besides, it hardly cost more then a few dead chickens. What could go wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Intro

**Author's Note:**

> Mostly follows canon. But be warned, things might get cray cray.

_Congratulations! Run screaming from your mailbox, whether in fear or ecstasy no one is quite sure. Welcome to the college of sciences at Nightvale University Your application was met with approval, and tears._

_T_ _ears of joy, and of terrible, terrible loss._

_We look forward to meeting you at our orientation day! further information will follow._

_Eat this letter._

_It is nutritious, we swear._

_It is ritual. Eat it. Envelope and all._

 

“Carlos, you know we support you no matter what you choose to do. I just don't know if this...” Mr. Durante glanced at the strange letter on the table. “This... NVU is the right place.” The heavyset spanish man was leaning against the table across from his son. His dark eyebrows were a stormcloud over his eyes. Stern. But not angry- just very, very confused. His son met his gaze, steady and sure. As always. “Papa, I know it's no Oxford. But we couldn't afford Ivy league, and Nightvale is the most scientifically interesting place in the US!...even if it is a rechristened Midway. They've just opened their science program, it's like a sign!”

“Mi hijo-” His mom came out of the kitchen, pulling off her oven mitts and putting her hands on her hips.

“That place es loco. Some kind of crazy cult school. And you want to go? Ai. Carlos-”

“Mama. Sera lo mejor. You know we can't afford anywhere else. Not with papa's care. You have to think of Nina. She'll need to go to college too, sooner then you think. And it's not so bad- 100% retention rate, and Mama- the research! There's so much there! And full lab setup and use, all new! It's a lot of opportunity Mama, and they guarantee work study.” Carlos was trying to hide his excitement. Be rational. Be scientific.

“Scientifcally speaking, it is the best option. I'll make more in work study then it cost to go there- even if I have to-” he looked down at his acceptance letter and swallowed. “-Sacrifice a few chickens to the omnipotence of the council-”

Carlos's mother threw her hands in the air, nearly dislodging her bun with the shake she gave her head. “LOCO!”

“Papa-” Carlos looked up, pleading. His father met his gaze. Words passed unspoken. Carlos would be the first in his family to go to college. He'd been accepted to all the Ivy league schools. Everything had been set, but then….Mr. Durante had gotten sick. The bills got higher and higher. Cancer was not an easy thing to pay for. And Nina still needed to go to school. Financial aid was no longer enough. Then came the strange acceptance from a school Carlos wasn't even sure he'd applied to- paid for a pittance, tinfoil, and some dead chickens. “Carlos. You know what you are doing.”

“Yes Papa.”

“Then go, hijo. You can always transfer.”


	2. Welcome to NVU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carlos may have ever so slightly miscalculated in thinking he was prepared for this.

     Carlos arrived by boat at the actually fairly big atoll that looked nothing like Midway. It actually  looked like someone had nuked everything around Honolulu and left the city itself in the middle of the ocean, with mixed color sand in concrete gray, black, white, and the more normal dull yellow riding around it in wide circles. He was glad to be off the ferry- it had been a long ride in the rickety thing. Carlos hadn't had occasion to realize before but he knew now- he did not like boats. He did not like sleeping in boats. He did not like the smell of boats, or fish, even if the species had gotten stranger and more fascinating as they neared what he had assumed, apparently incorrectly, to be Midway. While the other members of his new graduating class spent their time on deck drinking pina coladas and taking advantage of the rather lax captain and international waters Carlos had been propped up in a chair, only above deck to minimize the rocking and plead with the captain to avoid rough water. The other students hadn't approached him, laughing at his attempts at dignity and making bets about whether or not he'd puke in the ocean or hit the side of the ferry. Thus far, the latter was winning- much to the captain's horror. Eventually he gave up and stayed in his room with a trashcan and a bag full of Pepto packets. He swore to himself as he looked out the window that he'd petition to get a helicopter ride back home- the things were in the air nearly constantly as they neared Nightvale. Some Black, some blue, some yellow with weird bird pictures….  
But here he finally was, late as it was. It must have been 1 or 2 in the morning? Jetlag was weird on boat time. He looked up at the sky as people filed past him, trying to decide- scientifically- whether or not he was hallucinating the weird colored lights above him. And was that an Arby's? Right on the beach? This felt very mainland America. It wasn't until the ferry was pulling away and leaving him alone at the end of the dock that he started forward. There was a board at the end of the dock- looking very lonely at the end of the beach- with one of those mounted speakers on it- the kind generally reserved for emergency bulletins. Only… this one was playing a radio show. Odd. He looked at the clipboard and half listened to the announcements. The board was interesting- there was a helicopter guide with cheerful captions in a spidery handwriting next to the three helicopters he'd seen thus far.    
 _World government! Take the freshman on indoor tours, and use the tunnels to get to classes.  
Campus police! All clear here folks, remember to give up any freshman they need to reeducate. The mainland is a scary and deceiving place. Deceit will not be tolerated._  
Next to the yellow patterned helicopter were several scratched out lines and the decidedly less cheery  _Wait for the carnation. You will be safe indoors. Soundproof the doors. All of them. It is the law._  
Carlos blinked. He'd known the school was odd- but this-  
  
 _A commercial airliner flying through local airspace disappeared today, only to reappear in the gymnasium during basketball practice, disrupting practice quite badly. The jet roared through the gym for only a fraction of a second, and before it could strike any players or structure, it vanished again...this time, apparently, for good.  
_  
 _What?_  
Carlos looked up at the speaker in bewilderment, leaning on his suitcase.  
  
 _And now, Community Calender. It's welcoming day! So everyone go out and stare down the new freshman. Stare at them. Stare until they start to wonder if something is off- like acne, or an extra eye. Stare until their soul is visible in their eyes, until the begging begins- who are you, what do you want from me. Don't worry freshman. New limbs usually wait a few months, and your soul is no less visible then it is in that nervous smile of yours! Welcome to NVU. I'm sure you'll like it here. I'm Cecil. I'm sure we'll be very close. VERY close, Indeed.  
  
WHAT?_  
  
He looked back at the board. His eyes swam- none of it made any sense. There was an outline of a dog with a cartoonish questionmark in the middle and the caption- in that same handwriting-  _Barks Ennui says "Citizens be alert! But not too alert, there is much that you should not see. Only you can prevent your dorm room and everyone you love mysteriously catching fire. Woof, woof!"_  His eyes fell on a friendly looking purple sign in the middle with three rectangles- an eye, a mouth, and a bottle. “If you see something, say nothing. And drink to forget.”  
  
Carlos needed a minute. Maybe an hour. God maybe he should have taken a gap. Used the money from his lab internships and gone to Europe. Yeah. Europe. That would have been nice. Maybe Italy.  
His panic was interrupted by a figure in a leather balaclava and- a cape? God could this day get any stranger- approaching him. The voice sounded female.  
“Are you Carlos Diego Fernandez Durante?” He winced visibly. That was simply inefficient.   
“Yes. I'm Carlos Durante.”  
“You were expected in the OT dorm for mandatory introductions 20 minutes ago. You have missed your tram, so you will have to give your introduction in the RC Auditorium.” She figured if he liked abbreviating things so much, he should get used to campus slang easily enough. She looked him up and down.  
“Major?”  
Carlos blanked.   
“S-Science.” She handed him a labcoat.  
“Mandatory for all science majors. Put it on, and we're going to the podium.”  
She covered his mouth with a rag, and he woke up being walked into the auditorium full of students- most of whom were upperclassmen holding notebooks or iphones. Or was he being dragged? It didn't matter. He had to say something. He must be in shock, he rationalized. He must have just blanked out. There was no way they could drag him in here without anyone thinking it was odd. He must have walked. He smiled. This was fine. He knew why he'd come here.   
“I'm Carlos. This is the most scientifically interesting college in the US, By far. I've come to figure out just what is going on here! I look forward to getting to know you all.” He smiled. The crowd was smiling back. Everything was going to be fine, except that he thought he might be about to pass out, and as the crowd starts to leave he left the place at a sprint, only to find himself on the edge of a canyon. RC. R- canyon?   
It wasn't that deep, but it had odd lights in it. He sat down hard on the ground, looking up at the moon. What a night. Mama and Papa really hadn't warned him properly what college was going to be like. On the breeze he could hear the radio coming from the auditorium.   
  
 _...just what was going on around here! He grinned, and everything about him was perfect.  
  
And I fell in love instantly..”_  
  
“...no way.” He shook his head. Was that a quote from the speech he'd just given? Did the radio announcer…? no. No. not a chance. What a weird coincidence. He looked down at the lights in the canyon again. It was a beautiful night.  
  
“...Where am I?”  
“Radon Canyon, honey. Are you lost?” He looked up, and met the smiling eyes of an old lady. She looked fairly active, but her silver hair gave away her age.   
“Um. Scientifically speaking- I mean, technically, rationally-”  
“Oh sweetheart. You're OT right?”  
“...Yes.”  
“I'm your dorm mom. I'm Josie. Or, Old woman Josie if you like to draw things out. Come come, have a muffin, and we'll get you home.” She offered him a muffin that proved to be good, but lacked salt. He  didn't mind, and followed her as she led him to the bus stop and showed him the campus map, point out the OT dorm (Old town he noted) as well as the science building and a few more places-  
The library (very dangerous. Not a good place to study) Big Ricos (mandatory pizza?), and the radio station, where she said he might be spending time further on. She answered his confusion with a wink, and he was left to try to figure out why this place kept throwing curveball after curveball. He followed Josie out of the bus and was faced with a dorm that looked more like a colonial style mansion. Actually, all the buildings looked pretty colonial- shopfronts in carved stone and white paint all hudded together with their hanging flowers species Carlos had never seen before, and some he had- but much bigger...and was that dragonsnap looking at him?  
There was music playing from somewhere, making everying feel dreamy and strange. Carlos adjusted the sleeves of his labcoat as Josie stepped ahead of him and opened the door to the dorm- letting him into a large friendly space with staircases leading up on either side. He took it in- the projector screen with a beam apparently coming from a space above his head, the huge wraparound couch with a few sleepy students on it. The music was still playing. Josie was explaining that this building used to be for the principal and his favorites, but it had been sitting empty since the principal died mysteriously and horribly.   
“...now its the science dorm. He used to do the radio!” She told him. “Old friend. Really tragic what happened. Horrible.” She stared absently off into to space.  
“All that blood...”  
“Miss Josie, sorry, but It's getting pretty late.” Carlos was sure he'd have nightmares already, and really wasn't interested in adding more fuel to the fire.  
“Scientifically speaking, a human needs 8 hours at sleep to function at top efficiency. 6 at minimum. And it's...what time is it?”  
“Midnight dearie. Sorry to distract you. Here's your room key.” Carlos was still silently mouthing midnight?? as Josie handed him the key and gave him a guiding push in the direction of the right stairwell. He passed the kitchen, dismissing the hallucination of 7 foot tall beings with wings as he walked up the stairs. His door had a pretty bronze emblem with the taurus symbol on it. Well that was nice. He supposed. Really it was just something else strange. Normally he'd be fascinated, but he was just tired. His boxes were already in the room, and he ignored them and dropped the suitcase on the floor as he hit the bed. He fell asleep on the bare mattress in his labcoat, glasses falling askew as the voice on the radio finished- saying  
 _“Goodnight Nightvale. Goodnight.”_


	3. Big Rico's

Carlos woke up with the sun in a lazy puddle around his head. A lazy, molten puddle. Why was it so hot…? He sat up, bleary, and looked around at the boxes. Right. He had to unpack today. He'd get to visit the lab too- he was definitely looking forward to that. Science, at last.

He climbed up and stretched, Shedding the labcoat and hanging it next to the door. He unpacked quickly and efficiently, thanks to the strictly labeled boxes. As the boxes cleared he noticed that the other side of the room was still empty- but there was a bed and another desk. Of course- a room this size he'd have a roommate. He hoped they loved science. ...And he prayed they weren't conservative, or it might be a celibate year.

But that's not a scientific thought. He scolded himself. He was not here to meet boys. He was here for science! To study natural phenomena. He was zoned out as he unpacked on autopilot- New species, geology for the beach sand- the lights in the sky and the canyon-…

He found himself thinking about that radio announcer. He'd probably know about the phenomena. That voice… Carlos was getting distracted, putting up posters on autopilot and not thinking till after everything was up that maybe “ _May the F=MA be with you”_ would be a bit nerdier then he wanted to show himself to be. He'd have to have his roommate sign a waver. He looked at the “I knew you were tribbles when you walked in” poster. Yup. Waver. Someone came up the stairs as he put the boxes in the hallway, following the odd instructions to mark them with a blue dot and whistle three times.

“Hey, are you Carlos?” Carlos looked up at the...girl? Seeing the confusion on Carlos's face the person reddened and mussed their hair.

“I'm Joel. Joel Eisenburg. I'm going to be your roommate. If that's alright with you. The council decreed and said it'd be fine but-” _He._ Carlos noted.

“No issues here, so long as you sign this waver...”

 

Joel and Carlos hit it off just fine. Joel was an expert on flying dinosaurs, and the two compared notes on the sightings reported in the NVU incidents report- which contained everything from dinosaurs to grim reaper like figures, to radiation statistics that made Carlos want to pass out and...what the hell are throat spiders?!

 

“This can't be real.” Carlos was genuinely in awe. Some of this stuff was an almost impossibility. He was a scientist, he accepted that anything was possible, and therefore according to that proof nothing was a statistic impossibility, but this-

Joel was leaning forward, palms flat on the table.

“Did you see the death stats?? man. I guess 100% retention doesn't count for mortality. But I gotta say I think it's worth it if even a quarter of this stuff is true.” Carlos nodded. He was looking at the seismograph. Earthquakes. Earthquakes they couldn't feel.

 

Suddenly, a familiar music started to play.

 

_A friendly college community where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and mysterious lights pass overhead while we all pretend to sleep. Welcome to Night Vale._

 

Carlos settled back into his chair to listen in earnest. They'd set up a conference and notes table in the middle of the room. For science. The desks were for piles of papers. Joel grinned.

“Wait a minute, did you give an intro in the conference hall yesterday?”

“...Yeah?”

 

_We received a press release this morning: "The Night Vale business association is proud to announce the opening of the brand-new Night Vale Harbor and Waterfront Recreation Area!" I have been to these facilities myself recently, on their invitation, and I can tell you that it is absolutely top-of-the-line and beautiful! Sturdy docking areas made from eco-friendly post-consumer material, a boardwalk for pedestrians, and plenty of stands ready for local food vendors and merchants to turn into a bustling public marketplace_

 

“Did you catch the broadcast after?”

“A bit of it. Something about some guy.”

Joel leaned back.

“You don't know. Oh god.”

 

_"Guns don't kill people! It's impossible to be killed by a gun; we are all invincible to bullets, and it's a miracle!"_

 

Carlos looked over at the radio “what-”

“wait, Carlos-”

He looked back. Joel looked ecstatic.

“He was talking about you yesterday.”

 

_A great howling was heard from the Night Vale post office yesterday. Postal workers claim no knowledge, although passers-by describe the sound as being a little like a human soul being destroyed through black magic. The Indian tracker...now, I don't know if you've seen this guy around; he's the one that appears to be of, maybe, Slavic origin? Yet he wears a headdress out of some racist cartoon and claims to be able to read tracks on asphalt...he appeared on the scene and swore that he would discover the truth. No one responded because it's really hard to take him seriously in that headdress of his. _

 

“I feel like I should be paying attention to this-”

“Carlos, that radio host has a serious thing for you.”

He looked back at Joel again.

“No he doesn't. We've never met.”

“You don't believe me?”

 

_The council would like to remind you about the tiered heavens and the hierarchy of angels. The reminder is that you should not know anything about this. The structure of heaven and the angelic organizational chart are privileged information, known only to the council members on a need-to-know basis. Please, do not speak to or acknowledge any angels you may come across while shopping at the Ralph's, or at the Desert Flower Arcade Bowling Alley and Fun Complex. They only tell lies, and do not exist. Report all angel sightings to the city council for treatment._

 

That silenced Joel. They both stared at the radio.

“...The hell?”

“Scientifically speaking-” Carlos remembered the winged creatures in the kitchen, and faltered.

“Scientifically speaking matters of faith are best left to those who study faith.”

“Agreed.”

 

 _Settling in to be another clear night and pretty evening here in Night Vale. I hope all of you out there have someone to sleep through it with._  
  
Or at least good memories of when you did.  
  
  
...Goodnight, listeners. Goodnight. 

 

Carlos looked out the window in confusion. The sun had already set.

“What? That's not right-” he looked at the wall clock. He looked at his school issued watch. He grabbed joel's wrist and checked his.

“What is it?”

“The sun didn't set at the right time. Off by 10 minutes at least. Maybe 20.”

“Dears! It's time for dinner! Mealcards will work at Big Rico's and the Moonlite all-night. 200 a semester for groceries at Ralphs.” Josie was calling up the stairs.

“I think Big Rico's is fine for tonight.” Carlos called down. He headed down, donning the labcoat on an impulse. As he reached the door he noted a corkboard next to it. Dorm rules, more of the stuff from the dock, and a daily proverb reading.

“ _look to the north. Keep looking. There's nothing coming from the south.”_

there was also a new dog park ad, and a reminder that no mammals were allowed as pets on campus.

Carlos added that to a list of things to look into, as he and Joel headed out the door toward Big Rico's.

 

It was packed- which surprised Carlos given that school didn't really start for another couple months. Surely people left campus for the summer? He was only here because the housing was free and he wanted to take the burden off his parents. All these people…?

A few looked up at him and giggled. He ignored them, assuming word of the seasickness must have gotten out, and picked a table on the back patio. He was surprised to find that Big Rico's was on the ocean. The seats were more spread out back here, which he appreciated. He noticed that the buildings on either side were darkened. All the better. Less people around. But….

 

On a bench on the beach was a boy. Looked like an upperclassmen, mature, with elaborate sleeve tattoos and a tattoo of a closed eye on his forehead. His hair was a spectrum of blonde- every shade under that classification, and his eyes were violet. He was beautiful, on a stone bench watching the ocean.

Carlos didn't notice the pizza even as the smell reached his nose. The guy looked lonely. Bitterly lonely, a vision in blue and purple in the dark and neon of big rico's. He didn't notice his own pizza till the waiter took the boy his.

 

“...Oh.” Carlos took a bite, feeling self conscious.

“Carlos. Head in the game. We need to get a team set up before school starts out. For experiments, you know we can start off the year with a huge data bank-”

“Oh yes. The data is vital, absolutely vital. But um, right now, I- I mean- I think I should investigate- for the sake of science- and the study of the psychological makeup of a cult oriented campus-”

“I'm going to take my pizza home, best of luck man.”

Joel patted Carlos on the shoulder and walked out (or rather, into Big Rico's to go out, scientifically speaking…)

Carlos picked up his pizza and stood, ignoring the curious stares of the people around. He walked closer, and noticed the boy was….crying? Oh God he was crying. He should be left alone, scientifically people are statistically more likely to want to be left alone when they're crying-

He looked up, and recognition flashed in his face.

“Carlos?” the voice was like honey and exotic spices.

“You know me?” Carlos was stunned, the boy's tears forgotten.

“Of course. We are all required to view the freshman shaming.”

“...oh.”

“And you are...” He blushed. “...neat! I'm very into science.” Carlos was still trying to place that voice. Where had he heard it before?

“Oh, are you in the school of sciences?”

the boy gave him an odd look.

“I'm a communications major. The voice of Nightvale must be, after all.”

Oh god, the radio! The odd boy from the radio! The one- Carlos reddened.

“Oh, of course. The radio host must, scientifically speaking, be well versed in communications. It is essential.”

“of course.”

they stood in silence for a second, then the boy slid over and patted the bench.

“So… can you tell me about any of your scientific research? After all, you did say we were the most scientifically interesting University in the US...”

 


	4. Hurricane

 “Carlos. Carlos wake up. Carlos there is a giant glowing cloud off the west coast. CARLOS.”

the daylight filtered in slow, and Carlos woke up by degrees. Joel's sharp features were made even sharper in clarity, as he was about a foot away from Carlos's face.

“..whh-?”

There was a knock on the door. Joel faded from the half moon of Carlos's barely waking vision. He returned accompanied by the smell of coffee.

“someone left coffee at the door. It's...red...but other then that it seems pretty normal.”

Carlos looked down at the coffee. It wasn't quite a blood red, more of the color of red velvet cake. He takes a slow, experimental sip. Red velvet coffee. Huh.

He doesn't have much time to consider this, however, as Joel had retreated into the blur of the other side of the room and seemed to be throwing things. Then it registered.

“Glowing cloud…?”

“It's small but getting bigger. John peters- you know, the farmer? The one that stocks the grocery?- said it's whistling.”

“Whistling.”

“Yes.”

“Maybe it's high pitched thunder distortion… something in the chemical makeup affecting density and the transmission of sound..” Carlos was half out of bed by the time he finished his sentence, moving to the dresser. He stopped, looking down at his wardrobe with the drawer open.

“...Temperature and climatic conditions on the beach?”

Joel gave him a strange look.

“humidity in the 80 percentile range. Temperatures in the high 90s. Carlos, it's july on the equator.”

“...so no suits.”

“Carlos. Shorts and a tshirt.”

“But professionalism-”

“No one will be out at the beach when we reach it.”

“but-”

“Do you need to borrow my clothes?”

“….”

 

~

 

Carlos reached the beach in borrowed shorts and a print Tshirt in Joel's Jurassic park Jeep Rangler. He had resisted asking how much the car cost or how it'd made it to the island. His labcoat flapped in the breeze behind him as they roared along the coast towards the fuzzy shape. Carlos had forgotten his glasses. He was clutching a clipboard.

“Current color and shift time?”

“violet, heading towards red. Fully changed in 2.3 seconds. Video's recording. The time is 11:56 am, the air temperature is 96.3 degrees and the humidity is 78.76% and climbing the closer we get to the cloud. The geiger counter is going crazy. High radiation area.”

Carlos wrote furiously with a university approved mechanical pencil that appeared to be carved out of bone. It didn't matter. He'd chemically test it later- right now- the cloud. It was moving ashore, slowly enough, but they were struggling to find a high enough elevation on the beach to take readings with the thing moving.

“The density looks a lot higher then it should be- Carlos I don't like this- Carlos what are you-”

Carlos was standing in his seat as they climbed a dune, holding a metal rod upwards.” The whistling was getting louder the closer they got.

“Getting a reading!”

“CARLOS-”

THUD

 

Carlos woke up, head pounding. His face felt raw, like something rough and heavy had slammed into him. He touched his face and pulled his hand back. Was that fur?

He was alone. The radio was playing from the side table, and Carlos decided to just lay down and listen.

Cecil's voice was sweet as always as he talked about the cloud..raining dead animals. Oh god. Carlos groaned, suddenly vividly aware of why he was in the- he looked around- ER. He was in the goddamn ER. With fur and blood on his face.

 

This was a strange school.

He looked up as a door opened. It was Joel, grinning.

“We have a new lab member Carlos. They've read your work and were very impressed. So I guess you're in charge.”

Carlos was a little hazy.

“How long have I been out?”

“Oh, couple hours.”

“What happened to the-”

“ _HAIL THE GLOW CLOUD. AND NOW I BRING YOU, SERVANTS OF THE CLOUD-”_

Carlos went rigid, and everything went black and white and blue and violet and- vanilla….?

He had no memory of anything since he woke up. He had fur and blood on his face. Thankfully, he still had his readings.

 

 

“I think we should go out tonight.”

Carlos looked up from chemical testing a bottled sample Joel had managed to get from the cloud. It was yelling, furious, it's tiny high pitched voice demanding justice, justice and bloodshed.

“We have to go out. We don't have any food in the room.”

Joel kept a straight face, with some effort.

“Some people go out and find alcohol and meet people, Carlos.”

“Oh. That.” he looked back down at his clipboard and radiation tested the angry cloud.

“Not interested.”

“Oh come on Carlos-”

“Absolutely not interested.”

“Cecil goes out.”

Carlos's non-pen pauses, but he doesn't look up. He's trying to be nonchalant.

“How do you know that? And that's awfully vague.” comforted, he starts writing again.

“He goes to the Sigma Epsilon, or just “See” fraternity every weekend. He's not a member but apparently he gets along really well with everyone there.”

Carlos's hand stopped moving again, trying to think of a reason to refuse.

“You said yourself we should get more data.” skritch goes the bone pen.  
Joel tried to look innocent.

“We can meet new people. People who are into science.”

“Didn't you say we already had a new person?”

“She's the secretary at See. You can meet her.”

“didn't you say it was a frat?”

“Nightvale doesn't believe in concepts like binding gender obligations.”

“Oh.”

Carlos continues, having settled himself.

“You provide- what's it called- “pregame” and I'll think about it.”

__

 

Two hours later Carlos is a little bit past tipsy, holding a bottle of tequila in one hand and a flask in the other. He's trying to convince Joel to hold a funnel steady as he pours, but they're both a little splashed by the time the flask is full. It's a university flask- the cheerful slogan involving what you should do if you see something printed on it. Carlos thinks that's a lot funnier then he should. Half of the spills were from giggles. Joel, infinitely patient, guides Carlos out past josie and some rather dissaproving looking beings with wings and into the street. The Fraternity takes a while to reach, probably less from actual distance and more from loss of orientation. Carlos, who Joel is beginning to realize has never ACTUALLY been drunk before, is excitedly analyzing the blur of motor function and reaction speed. Being as none of that is even slightly about dinosaurs, Joel's grateful when they find the row of houses and the river of music drowns out the excitement. But Carlos quiets on his own when they approach the See house- an actually pretty nice log cabin with a balcony. Joel has a strong suspicion it wasn't entirely built by the school or the town. Especially since there's an axe and a pile of wood to the side. Music is spilling out into the street, the door open. There's a person standing in the doorway, with a pixie cut and blue hair.

“Joel! Is this the scientist??”

“Hey Fey. Yeah. He's a little drunk.”

“Hello Fey.” Carlos straightens, nervous enough to worry about his actions, and offers a hand. Fey takes it as she walks down the stone path to them.

“Pleasure. I'm Fey.” Carlos notes somewhat foggily that the hand is cold, like metal. Odd.

“Have you met Cecil? I think he'd love you. He's very into science.” Fey is still talking. Carlos is having a little bit of trouble focusing, but he notes that he feels pleasantly warm. Maybe that's why Fey's hand is so cold?

“Oh yes, I have. I met him on the beach outside Big Rico's. He was crying. Do you know why he was crying? It kind of upset me.” Carlos is half certain there are things he is saying that he didn't really mean to, but he really does want the answers. Fey looks half chagrined and half pleased.

“Oh… you might want to ask him about that yourself. I don't know if he'd really want me talking about it.”

Joel whispers to Carlos- _try asking someone drunker._

Carlos feels like he could object to that. It's rude to press people for information they don't really want to disclose. But then again, if it's not public information no one else will know. And he could just ask Cecil. But it might upset Cecil. He really didn't want to upset Cecil. Fey interrupts his thoughts by offering a hand, palm up.

“You want to dance?”

Carlos looks up, and says very somberly-

“I must refuse, my father warned me that a lot of grinding occurs at college parties and I don't want to get that close to anyone.”

Joel was laughing, for some reason.

“I'm Ace. You have nothing to fear from me. Besides-” Fey smiles.

“This isn't that kind of place.”

“Oh. Well, I'm an awful dancer, but if you like?” When fey didn't lower her hand he took it, and they walked in through a crowd- not so thick it was uncomfortable- but definitely a party.

The first song came on, a boyband blare. Carlos had already forgotten why he was here as he jumped up and down and attempted something like dancing. The music was coming through the floor, and Fey was laughing and showing him a few moves he could do drunk.

_You look so perfect standing there in my American apparel underwear, and I know now, that i'm so down-_

 

He picked up the words after a couple verses, and after a free flow swigs of the flask he had an arm around Fey. They were laughing, Fey holding up an arm to wave it in time to the music. Joel joined them at some point, and they managed a group cluster of terrible dancing. Carlos was actually having a lot of fun. He was surprised- he didn't think he could enjoy anything but perfect experiments and communicating about his passions. Granted, he'd always loved talking to different people about their interests. Maybe he was a people person after all. But...new things. Like the fact that he _really_ liked panic at the disco. But not quite as much as Cecil, who, Carlos had just become aware, was standing on a table singing. Not just singing- _He was_ _performing_ _the song._ It was also worth noting that he was far drunker then Carlos was, evidenced by what happened next. He was moving the mike stand like a pro, and when he turned he looked straight at Carlos. Those eyes burned into his.

 

_Are you worth your weight in gold?  
Cause you're behind my eyelids when I'm all alone _

_Hey, stranger, I want you to catch me like a cold._

 

Carlos flushed. He was leaned against the wall, temporarily out of steam.

 

 _I led the revolution in my bedroom and I set all the zippers free._  
We said, "No more war, no more clothes!  
Give me peace…

Cecil looked dead at Carlos with a look that was almost divine

_Oh kiss me-_

 

The way Cecil was moving was making Carlos a little dizzy. He was flushing, but when he returned the look Cecil had given him the singer's knees nearly gave out.

  
_Oh I'd confess,_

_I'd confess in a room where I'm blessed._ _  
_ _But he didn't come and speak to me,_

 

Cecil put a hand over his heart, and pulled off his midnight blue sequin vest. His white shirt was sticking to him in a way that definitely had Carlos's attention.

_  
_ _Or put my heart at ease-_ _  
_ _And I believe that half the time_ _  
_ _I am a wolf among the sheep_ _  
_ _Gnawing at the wool over my eyes._

 

Cecil was quite the dancer, and the rest of the frat was roaring along. Fey and Joel were cheering along, but Carlos was too burned out to even react. He was- he was a lot of things. What had his papa told him about tequila? He vowed to forget it and took another swig. Things were starting to blur now. Cecil finished the song to a roar of applause and approached the group. He put his hand on Fey's shoulder and leaned closer to Carlos.  
“Helllo. I was wondering if you'd like to dance. Maybe. With me.”

Carlos took Cecil's hand before he could change his mind. His face was red, but half of this place was same-sex dance parners, and the rest were a little uncertain and he wasn't too concerned about judgment. He was more concerned about Cecil. God, everything about Cecil. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe he'd pass that line and not have to think about it tomorrow. In any case- he wanted to dance with Cecil, so he would. It was just a dance.

 

Well, it was more then a dance. Mostly because Cecil could foxtrot. Even drunk. Carlos wasn't so much dancing as being lifted and spun and actually he loved it, because Cecil was overdramatic and exaggerated his movements to every part of the song. It was easy to dance with Cecil- even if he didn't know what styles he was using, even when he dropped Carlos's hand to do a few step maneuver by himself. He just appreciated being able to watch- Cecil was so vibrant in galaxy leggings and a long white top with a black swirling message- _I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night._

He was almost disappointed when the music changed to something slower. But he found an exhausted Cecil collapsing into his arms, so not disappointed, even if he did nearly fall over. It was getting late. He should go home. He should take Cecil home. But-

He stared at Cecil. Looked him over. No bag. Nearly asleep on his shoulder, swaying slow.

Things were going together slow, but he looked at fey with a questioning expression, noting as he looked over that Joel was getting very cozy with a cocoa skinned “NVCR Intern” at least according to her shirt. Huh. He probably wouldn't be home tonight.

Fey was mouthing something. He concentrated.

_Cecil won't go home._

_What?_

Fey made a kind of desperate facial expression. Carlos turned his attention to the drunk and cuddly radio host.

“Hey, Cecil?”

“Yes, perfect Carlos?” Carlos's throat went dry and he as he struggled to say something. He was sobering up, he realized. He hadn't had anything since before the first song.

“Where do you live?”

“The couch in the basement on weeekkeends, and in the break room at the statiiiion.”

Carlos made his decision very firmly. He knew that at minimum, Josie would loan out the dorm couches- which were plush and more comfortable then even the dorm beds- but tonight maybe he oughta just take him straight back. It made some kind of fuzzy sense. You shouldn't leave drunk people alone, even on nice couches. So Cecil could just stay a night in the taurus room and they could ensure that no one choked on their own vomit or died of alcohol poisoning.

“Cecil, do you wanna go home with me?”

Cecil looked up at him, mouth a perfect O of shock.

“Isn't that a little forward?”

Carlos blushed furiously.

“NO! Just to sleep, you're drunk and I’m drunk and I don't wanna be alone if I start getting sick and I don't want you to be if you are. It's the most scientific solution.”

“Of course.” did Cecil look disappointed? No of course he didn't. He appreciated science.

They made it back to the room without mishap, and once in it they were settled easily.

 

Well, after Cecil vomited on Carlos.

 

When Carlos returned from the shower he found Cecil very asleep in his bed, clearly pressed up against the wall to make room- his body and arm an accepting curve. Carlos smiled and climbed in, falling asleep quickly- but not too quickly to appreciate the feeling of Cecil's body just barely tucked up against his. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously I don't own Panic! at the disco's "hurricane"
> 
> I love drunk Carlos almost as much as I love drunk cecil.


	5. FR-Zones

When Carlos wakes, bleary and disoriented, his bed is empty. He figures he dreamed it all and reminds himself that new places give him nightmares, but there's a note next to his bed- A note with a flower he doesn't recognize the biology of and a few oddly colored muffins. The note is in a beautiful script, and reads  
  
 _Carlos-  
I am so sorry, I heard I got too drunk to go home by myself. I don't remember much but it was incredibly kind of you to look after me. I promise it will never happen again,on pain of bloodstone sacrificing myself to the dog park, because I hate to be a bother.  
  
But in thanks I do hope you like the muffins! sorry for not being around to bring you to breakfast as a thank you myself (Although I could just cremate myself in shame right now! Drinking to forget is one thing but it is utterly irresponsible to distract new students from their first night out by being a catastrophicly horrendous train wreck!) but station management   
_  
There is a furiously angry crossed out section, then simply  
 _I need to be at the station today. I left Joel some local headache remedies if he needs them._  
  
You have my soul in debt and unimaginable shame.   
Cecil  
  
Carlos groaned, slamming his face into the letter. Stupid! Why didn't he leave Cecil a note?? why couldn't Cecil have remembered-   
Carlos suddenly remembers his attempts at dancing. On second thought-  
but why did he think he was a burden? did someone-  
oh no.  
Joel opens the door looking like he got hit by a car. When Carlos- distracted- says as much, the answer is  
"Oh it was more of a golf cart. Is Cecil still here?"  
"No. Did you tell him anything about the party?"  
"No....? did someone?"  
Carlos hands him the note.  
"Oh shit. Someone put quite the spin on that."  
Carlos took a deep breath and whistled it back out.  
"Nevermind it. You mentioned science people...?"  
~  
  
At the lab they meet Rochelle, Dave, Kate, Leon, and Caroline. Carlos seems flummoxed by the amount of people and their apparent reverence in him, but he gets out of the shock of it quickly enough once Joel breaks out the charts and starts pointing out Nightvale phenomena spots thus far. He's also taken the liberty of hacking into the security camera system, which apparently has thermal vision. Carlos is about to argue that they should stay on the right side of the school rules- classes haven't even started yet- but then he sees the readings from the dog park and stops caring very rapidly.  
           
"Are those-?"  
"Beings shaped out of pure winter cold? yes. However don't get too excited." Kate steps in and drops the incidents reports books on the table. She pushes half moon glasses up her nose and flips open the book.  
"To kill the thrill of discover a bit here- This is the death toll from the area now called 'the dog park'- formerly referred to as the "FR zone" by the students."  
"Which stands for?" Kate primly pushes her glasses up her nose and monotones  
"Fucking run."  
  
They're using a paintbrush and whiteboard ink to draw up charts of scientific areas of interest and possible fatality risk when Dave, who's been listening to the radio through his ipod, pulls out an earbud.  
"So, do we do recon? or rescue missions?"  
"why?"  
"Guy from the radio is apparently in an FR area."  
Carlos is gone before anyone even realizes he's moving. Joel smiles ruefully at the door.  
"Do you think we should map out those FR areas.....?" asks Dave, a little confused. He's a psychologist. He doesn't like not understanding what's going on.  
Caroline lights up.  
"Can we correlate the stats from the book into map areas and come up with a rating scale for those?" ah, statistics. Nothing Joel is interested in, but necessary enough.  
Joel taps a wall map.  
"Can we start with the radio station?"  
  
~  
  
Cecil made it out. Mostly. Actually, he's missing a little chunk of his pinky finger- but that was from oath swearing. That was before the scary parts. However, he is really not in any condition to be taking a nap on the sidewalk. The broadcast isn't in Old town- actually it's really not that close to much of anything. Except a very lovely stretch of beach. He could get there and pretend to be sunbathing until he can move his legs. But maybe the sidewalk is nice. it is a very nice sidewalk. And- those are very nice shoes. He looks up, taking in pants, the edge of a labcoat- He flushes, crimson and humiliated.  
"Carlos! what are you doing here? I really wish we'd stop meeting like this- with me in such a mess-"   
Carlos almost looks like that comment hurt but Cecil figures it can't have. No reason why! It was completely true. The sidewalk after fleeing his life- the party smashed out of his mind and needing rescuing- he feels pretty darn helpless. and really stupid.  
"You're not a mess. Just a little scraped up. Come on, um, Josie wants to offer you a bed. She heard you were-um- sleeping in the station break room."  
Carlos does not mention that he is the one that told her. Seems like Cecil really doesn't remember any of the party, and he doesn't want to make him feel any worse. Carlos's guess about the guilt turns out to be right on the money as Cecil tries to insist that no- really- he doesn't need any help up. He was just...sunbathing. On the sidewalk at the bottom of the station steps. THat he had just fled in terror. And decided to sunbathe! Who DOESN'T post mortal terror sunbathe, really! it's a good habit, builds that vitamin D. D for destruction. Destruction and rejuvination!   
Carlos has nothing to say to any of that, but he does manage to coax Cecil to let him lift him off the ground, and keeps a stabilizing arm around him. He lets Cecil nervous ramble and Vitamins and their aid in helping the body and blood space wars as he guides him back to the bus to oldtown, and lets him keep talking all the way home. He's more then happy to listen.

__

 

Josie is not pleased.  
It's not an anger particularly at either of the boys currently on her doorstep, or at station management. It's more about the phonecall Cecil was making as he left that morning, and the way he is currently protesting being looked after.  
She sees more then people think she does, and she does not what is going on one little bit.  
So she does more then offer Cecil the couch, she gives him the empty room next to Carlos's and insists they join her for dorm breakfasts. She dutifully plays along with Cecil's apparent reluctance and insists on making the official move from his old dorm. But it is no part of the act when she lets Erika take over the cooking and puts a very firm hand on Cecil's shoulder.  
  
"You are not going back to that dorm, and you are not going back to that boy, so you might as well quit listening to him when he tries to put you down. Understand?"  
Carlos, across the table, nearly smashes his teacup with the strength in his hands, but plays along admirably when Cecil looks over to see if he's paying attention, and focuses a bemused expression on the contents of the cup. He is also dutifully not acknowledging the angels. Not just because of school rules. He's just not really in the mood to contemplate religious experiences.  
Cecil looks back at Josie.  
"Okay." He manages, his voice weak. Carlos's grip gets even tighter. Cecil has an announcer's voice. Not the kind of tone that shrinks in on itself, should NEVER sound like that.   
  
Josie smiles, partially to comfort Cecil and partially because the righteous anger radiating from the young scientist is a positive indication for things to come. She turns to Carlos, reaching gently out to pry the cup from his hands.  
"Carlos, why don't you take Cecil to the lab and check him for injuries? you know, the hospital can be such trouble, and students do gossip..." Carlos relaxes only the slightest bit, but in a rush the stress is replaced by chagrin.  
"My team may not be too happy with me-"  
"Nonsense. I'm sure they'll forgive you for running out. Shoo."  
Carlos and Cecil shoo. Josie sits back and smiles to herself. She could not keep Cecil safe once, but maybe she'll do better the second time around.


	6. Dinner?

As it turns out, the job of checking Cecil for injuries is out of Carlos's hands the moment he walks back into the lab. Leon is Premed, and gets Cecil set up on the table as he checks the wounds, sterilizing and cleaning and bandaging with the speed and efficiency of practice. Cecil looks a little started and keeps asking questions about the kinds of medicines- Why he's not using herbal poultices. As Leon stares back disparagingly in response Rochelle lightly slaps his arm and asks Cecil what kind of poultice he has in mind. Carlos looks on with confusion as they start up a cheery discussion of herbal remedies. 

"Botanists." Mutters Joel, making Carlos jump.

"Oh- uh- Hi."

"I've been here the whole time."

"I- uh-"

Joel smiles like the Cheshire cat. Carlos makes an expression that's meant to be a glower but comes out as more of a pout. 

"What are you smiling for?"

"The thrill of discovery. Also- do you think we should buy milk? Might be nice with coffee and maybe save us from having cold pizza for breakfast."

Carlos's head is starting to hurt. He's looking for any linear path to this day- or this week- and nothing. Absolutely nothing.

"Why-" he rubs his forehead.

"Why are you thinking about milk?"

"Oh, they're selling it in the newsstand." Joel keeps a straight face- not that he doesn't find it weird, he just knows it'll drive carlos up a wall. Sure enough, a flickering of expressions across Carlos's face. hopelessness, confusion, actual pain, frustration- ah, chaos is beautiful.

Joel pats him on the back. 

"I'm going to go see if I can get that dead Lion off the roof of the ice cream shop. See you at home!"

Carlos practically feels like crying. He is a scientist. Everything must be governed by reason. Everything is governed by kinds of logic, even human logic.  _Everything except this place._

He looks up as he pulls himself together, accidentally meeting Cecil's curious look. The radio host blushes and launches back into the discussions of the relative usefulness of St. John's Wort, and Carlos takes a deep breath and clears his throat. His team looks at him.  
"Moonlite All-Night Dinner's on me, whenever you guys are all ready to go. Anyone in the middle of something?"

Caroline practically pops she's so excited.

"We're a good way into compiling the death, injury, and radiation statistics into a map and meter form! But we can always get back to it- I'm up for dinner!"

Dave is side-eyeing Caroline like he thinks she might go feral. he nods. Kate and Leon give matching thumbs up, and Rochelle just looks at Cecil, who looks awkward.

"Cecil, I- I mean, we'd be happy to have you along."

Cecil tries not to betray how thrilled he is.

"I'd rather not impose-"

"You're not imposing, you're a member of our dorm now. Consider it dorm group dinner."

Cecil blushes and grins so brightly that Carlos tries to resist averting his eyes or blushing himself. 

"Well- In that case- I'd really love to."

 


	7. This was a bad idea.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave wants to study the effects of alcohol on mood and psychological behaviors. No one listens to Carlos.

The dinner at the Moonlight All-Nite goes unexpectedly well. Carlos finds himself enjoying the company of his lab members, even without Joel's familiarity. (Joel texted a picture of himself with a dead lion and an odd rope rigging holding a dipped cone. That one was going in the yearbook if Carlos has anything to say anything about it)

Cecil and Rochelle get over-absorbed in herbal remedy discussions, and Leon in turn is distracted fiercely denying the benefits of any of them. Carlos relaxes against the window, crunched in the booth next to Dave and Caroline. Kate is at the end of the table in a pulled up chair, plotting stats with Caroline. Carlos noted the attention Kate pays to Caroline, and smiles. Caroline is blonde and as british as they come, and the piping of her accent is a stark contrast to the clear rolling of Kate's- the latter's almond shaped eyes focused intently on the paper, but she looks up to adjust her glasses and smile at Caroline.

When the food arrives everyone tucks in, except for Caroline, who counts her fries. After a while of silence Dave slams his glass down on the table so hard that everyone jumps.

"I have a proposal."

"Oh dave- I barely know you." Rochelle was sitting across from him, batting her eyelashes.

"No- yes-" He points at her, stern.

"You can come to the bowling alley with me on Saturday at 6. but tonight I would like us all to go out, to drink, and let me bring along a clipboard. We should set a baseline for alcohol consumption and safety in Nightvale in connection with certain local policies to better understand the alcohol related accidents, deaths, and maimings in the report."

"-maimings?" Carlos's voice comes out a squeak. He's talked over by enthusiastic agreement and some attempts at objections that are quickly denied in the name of science.

"- What is this achi-" 

Dave turns to Carlos.

"Boss- you are a physicist. Let me hold the spotlight for a while. This is my field."

Carlos was trying to comprehend the fact that he'd just been called boss while Caroline cheerfully recited Carlos's ID number into an ashtray to pay the bill.

He still didn't really see how this was a good idea, but Caroline and Dave were sold, and Cecil looked so happy-

Leon had evaporated from the table entirely. Eh. Hell. Might as well.

 

Two hours later he was doing shots at See. Why was he doing shots? peer pressure. Peer pressure, Dave. be sure you write that one down.

This is all your fault Dave. He did another shot.

He had already drunk Kate literally under the table. Thank God for genetics. Of course if it weren't for Dave he wouldn't need to rely on that.

"I hate you Dave."

"I love you and your beautiful statistics Carlos. Keep drinking."

He did another shot. He looked over, and met the eyes of Cecil, who'd already finished nearly twice the number Carlos had.  
"...Hee. Lightweight."  
"What was that??"

Carlos raised an eyebrow, exaggerated. Cecil giggled. Carlos crossed over to him with a shotglass in his hand and in a second he was close to him, hands pressed to the table behind Cecil. Cecil was blushing. Dave was watching with the happy look of a tabloid reporter who's just found a nice view from the hotel window.

"Lightweight, Am I?" Carlos's weight was on Cecil's legs. He was blushing furiously, but the sass hadn't abandoned him yet.

"Yes you are!"

Dave made an 'Ohshit' expression. 

"WEll. WEll. Let me introduce you to something we keep with us in the south where i'm from." He pulls out a bottle and pours it straight into cecil's mouth. He chugs, but a little bit of clear runs down his face when he pulls away.

"What- Wow- I-" Cecil was a little shocked. Carlos pulls back and takes a long swig himself.

Dave finally whispers to Caroline in a scandalized tone in no way inaudible.

" _Where the hell did he get moonshine?!"_

Carlos points at Dave dramatically.

"I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW, DAVE, THAT I AM A SCIENTIST. A SCIENTIST HAS CONNECTIONS, DAVE. A SCIENTIST IS MORE THEN CAPABLE OF PAYING OFF HIS DINOSAUR LOVING ROOMMATE."

"of course it's Joels" Dave mumbled."

"MINE NOW." Caroline, sober and holding a glass of wine, Jots in her tablet.

_Carlos- drunk personality- whiny baby._

Carlos was getting to the point of vague aggression, but he was also getting tired. Without another word he huffed off to a slightly torn up couch and curled up in a ball, back to the room, and grumbled about psychologists all being bitches. After a moment he felt a soft warmth against the backs of his knees. He looked up, and met Cecil's warm violet eyes. 

"You're a baby." it's soft, affectionate. Carlos doesn't even have the energy to pout. The moonshine's hitting, and Hell, he's tired. The world is a blur and he loves everyone, everyone EXCEPT DAVE, but he's still tired.

He looks up at Cecil- and suddenly the confidence dries up, but he manages.  
"...I'm tired."

"Does the baby wanna be held~?" Cecil's teasing is too familiar. Carlos is too drunk.

"and what if I do?" 

Cecil's too drunk to be surprised. Dave looks like he's about to piss himself. Carlos pouts fiercely. Cecil withdraws, leaning against the other side of the couch. He's mastered the art of giving off the air of sobriety. 

"You can come here." He opens his arms, and Carlos only hesitates a moment before he swivels around, and practically falls into Cecil's chest. He grumbles about dignity, but in moment vevlety bliss is falling over him and his last thought is that Cecil's holding him, and maybe, just maybe, he'll be there when he wakes up. 


	8. Better use Tide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one is used to nightvale. No one. and a member of the team is abducted to make sure everyone votes correctly.

Carlos wakes up in his own bed to the sound of coughing and splutters. he silently curses Dave, keeping his eyes closed against the slow throb of his headache. Quietly, he starts,

"Who carried me home?"

"Kate." More hacking follows, Joel's voice coming out like his mouth was full.

"Leon-"  _HERFG_ "Got cec-"  _GYEK_ "-lighter. weighs lee-"  _hhhrf._

It's a lot of effort to open his eyes, but he's too confused by the noises not to. He looks over at Joel and promptly closes them again.

"Joel."

"- _eerff?"_

 _"_ Joel, please tell me you slipped me hallucinogenics and you are not actually coughing up spiders."

Joel manages a somewhat normal laugh, followed by the distinct sound of vomiting into a metal trash can. 

"Fucking throat spi  _ERRK"_

"I don't suppose you're willing to keep some samples?"

"Leon- _SKRRRIII_ " Joel makes a noise so high pitched Carlos swears the windows are going to break and makes a bleary and disoriented dash for the door. He makes it out, and ignoring his head with all the dignity he can muster, makes his squinted way downstairs. He manages to open his eyes when he gets to the lounge, trying not to let on his hangover.

To his surprise, his team is downstairs milling on the couches and drinking tea.

"No labwork today?" he tries to look casual. Caroline looks at him with innocent terror, like he's just told her the tooth fairy doesn't exist. 

"I don't wanna get eaten!"

"...eaten?"

Kate pats Caroline's blond curls absentmindedly.

"Caroline, Carlos just woke up."

"Oh! but-"

"and was carried home last night. If you can count the armored guard as carrying."

"Armored- what?"

Kate looked up at him, her usual deadpan, but a twinkle of amusement in her dark eyes.

"Pterodactyls."

Carlos stares at her for a long drawn out moment, then starts laughing.

"Oh god- Joel-" He can't stop. 

Caroline grins.

"He cried. I mean, that might have been also because he was coughing up spiders. But I think it was mostly the fact that he's too sick to study them."

"This is his dream. We should take pictures and hang them in the common room for him when he can make it out of the room." Kate deadpanned.

Carlos is in hysterics. It takes him a couple of minutes to stop, take a deep breath, and regain composure.

"Where's Leon?"

"Being the hero and trying to find a cure for throat spiders." Offers Rochelle, on the other couch. He looks over at her and can't help but notice an ad on the front page of her paper.

"Um. Rochelle. Is that a....sharpened spoon threatening... You know what nevermind, I don't want to know."

"Better use tide." Kate smiled, and it was almost terrifying. 

"New vocal cords."

They all jump, except Rochelle, who's focusing on a reader submitted news story with the look of someone trying to decipher a foreign language. No one heard the door open, but there's Leon, looking grim and a little bit bloody.

"The cure is new vocal cords."

Caroline relaxed back into the couch.

"He'll like that."

"DOES THE MEDICAL SIGNIFICANCE OF THIS OCCUR TO ANYONE?"

Carlos sympathizes with Leon's hysteria, but not enough to open himself up to the endless existential crisis of dealing with Nightvale.

He looks around.

"Where's Dave?"

"Abducted. I made a list of the correct student council votes. We'll get him back in a few days, don't worry about it." Rochelle seems a lot more used to Nightvale then the rest of them, or maybe has just gotten much better at hiding it. 

"Of course. Can I go home now?" 

"No, Leon. No."

"I nearly got eaten by a dinosaur, Kate."

"Well maybe you should have taken the secret passages."

"the- the-" 

Leon walks into the kitchen. The sound of half prayer half agonized yelling reach them in the common room. When Carlos gives her a questioning look, she just shrugs.

Caroline looks up cheerfully.

"Wanna do something productive?"

"...Yeah?"

"They're removing a lead door blocking plutonium radiation from Radon Canyon!"

"THey're WHAT?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The first platinum premium ad runs next Monday, and features the terrified face of an infant primate with a superimposed spoon that has been stone-sharpened to a rough point, and the tagline "Better Use Tide!""  
> -Episode 4, PTA meeting


	9. There is no time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We'll update you as further details surface in our special, ongoing, and very special coverage of PTERANODON ATTACK-GATE. Are we safe from dinosaurs? No way. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd just like to note that some events are out of order, due to plot flow and cecil and carlos interacting for different amounts of time then they do in cannon. Let me know if it bothers anyone! I can try to keep it stricter.

Carlos has a headache.

He's been trying to get a word in to point out that blocking radiation is pretty important, actually, REALLY important, but he keeps getting cut off. Even Josie enthusiastically yells something over him about lead poisoning, and he settles back into his seat and chews sulkily. He'd tried to start on Rochelle this morning about the importance of protesting these things before they become an issue, but she'd just shoved three sticks of lavender chewing gum into his mouth and physically shoved him out the front door. 

He's really about done with all this crap. and then his phone rings. He hooks a bluetooth into his ear and makes an affirmative noise, trying not to be disruptive.

_CARLOS YOU NEED TO GET BACK HERE WE GOT A TRACKER ON THE-_

There was a dinosaur screeching and he stood bolt upright, not caring about the sudden attention of the secretary.

"I won't have time to get there- Leon-?" He started running, yelling as he went to try to clear the way-

"THERE IS NO TIME- NO TIME-"

He barges out the door just in time to duck as a low flying Pterodactyl tries to make a pass at him and the radio broadcast hijacks his signal.

_The sun has grown so very, very old. How long, cold, fading death? How long? Welcome...to Night Vale._

"DAMMIT CECIL THIS IS NOT THE TIME." He dives out of the way as the creature nearly lands, yelling for no other reason then to try to scare the thing off. 

_Last night's Night Vale PTA meeting ended in bloodshed as a rift in space-time screeched open in the Main Street Recreation Center auditorium, setting loose several confused and physically aggressive pteranodons._

"NOT A PTERANODON CECIL." He starts sprinting down the street, heading toward the black walls and topped electric fence of the dog park.

The bluetooth slips off, but he's way too busy running to bother with it. As he gets close to the wall- and starts seeing strange things- He turns sharp, practically sliding into it as he takes off along it. The block to the next street passes by too slowly. It's darker here then it is anywhere else. He banks and sprints away as he sees a hooded figure coming towards him, and doesn't stop running till he's through the doors of the dorm and hits the back of the couch hard. Caroline, who hasn't moved, is so startled she actually falls off the front of it, which turns out to be fortunate because Carlos flipped a fair bit of the way.

"Hi Carlos." snarks Kate, from her position next to his upside-down torso. 

"Look who's home!" Rochelle actually sounds happy.

"Y-"

"Not you Carlos. Dave!"

Carlos hears Rochelle running past him to hug the psychologist who came in behind him. 

"Hey Rochelle. Hi- Carlos's...feet and ass?"

Carlos weakly flops an arm up. His face is actually pretty stuck between couch cushions, but really, moving's not worth it right now. Not with the adrenaline still roaring in his ears. He heard the door opens and closes again, and a horrified voice-

" _Jesus Christ, Carlos???"_

He made out the voice. Leon. The last call he's gotten from Leon had been screaming. He pulls his head free and turns.

"DIOS LEON YOU NEED TO GET TO THE HOSPITAL."

Leon, once the initial concern flits away, grins proudly, blood dripping down his shirt from a gash in the side of his head.

"I can handle it myself. I'm premed. I just came to get my first aid kit and check if Joel wanted to try to get some dinosaur DNA out of it."

"Joel's not in much state to talk to anyone."

Leon grimaces and nods.

"Poor guy. Well, I'd better go get my firstaid kit. Hey- Miss Josie-" he called into the kitchen as he walked away, and from the common room they could hear snippets of a purification request.

Carlos watches him go, a little bleary.

"Think he's overcompensating?"

Kate shrugs.

"Honestly I think the...Josie's friends...helped him out this morning and now he's just happy to have a problem he knows how to deal with."

Carlos understands that well enough. Well. not so much the angels part. He's been avoiding them. the less he knows the better. He sighs.

"Well, I think the last Pterodactyl is dead so... you know what, I'm gonna go get a hair cut." 

Carlos walks out, and as he walks past Dave and out the door Dave tilts his head a little, looking at the DVDs on the shelf.

"...Why is  _Something About Mary_ glowing?"


	10. Telly the Barber

Truth be told, the haircut had made Carlos super uncomfortable. Not just how bad it was, or the fact that the barber kept breathing down his neck and smelled. It might have had something to do with his insistent conversation about how science shouldn't be taught in schools. He rambled the whole time Carlos's head was getting massacred, talking about how they musn't believe this propaganda. And something about a God. A smiling God. Crap that mental image was creepy. Carlos couldn't pay fast enough, and he sure as hell didn't tip as he ran out the door. 

On his way home he got a call from Kate, who sounded pleased. 

_Turns out Joel switched over to Nightvale Insurance before he got here, so his surgery is covered. He recommended we switch as well, since pretty much nothing that could happen to us here will be covered by anything else. At least I think he said that last part. It was kinda hard to tell._

Carlos tried to run a hand through his hair and found himself disappointed by the result. He sighed.

_Aw, boss. Haircut not turn out? Well here's some good news. You know that last dinosaur?_

Yes. Yes he did.

_Turns out the dog park took care of it. I could give you the details but I took plenty of pictures._

_There is some bad news._

"Yeah?"

_Dave got taken away again._

"Dammit!"

_I'm sure we'll get him back in a day or two. Are you back yet?_

"No, I'm not really in old town. might be a little lost."

_Google Maps the Ralphs. Joel needs a few things, and Rochelle found a spell or something that's supposed to help._

Once Carlos is off the phone, he manages to navigate to the Ralphs and buy a long list of strange herbs and some things he's more familiar with- Ramen, painkillers, Nyquil, hot chocolate. Apparently it was babying Joel day. He'd gone straight into surgery once they'd discovered his insurance covered it, so maybe soft foods were for the best until his throat recovered. Thinking about it more, Carlos went ahead and bought pudding and ice cream, and a few other kinds of soup. Nothing spicy. 

He got back to the dorm laden down with bags, which were "generously" taken off his hands as the other scientific minds checked out the goodies. Thankfully, they were mature enough to leave most of it for Joel, and Kate removed the ice cream from Caroline's overenthusiastic grip and went over to load the fridge. They seemed to be trying to avoid saying anything about his hair, but he did hear the quiet snap of a cell phone camera coming from Leon's position on the couch nearest the kitchen door. 

 

He just hoped to God he wasn't gonna send that to Cecil. 

 


	11. Throat Spiders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carlos and the scientists have bonding time

Carlos made a quiet promise to himself as he knocked on windows looking for a secret police member to give him a ride to the hospital and back that he was not going to listen to the radio until Joel was completely recovered. For some reason, all this stuff with Cecil tended to put him on edge, and the man seemed to get himself into trouble too often. Not that he entirely understood why he cared. 

 After too many dorm windows he knocked on the glass outside of his window and said, tentatively, "Secret police?"

There was a rustling and a uniformed officer stuck their head up from their post at the tree branch under his window.

"Yeah?"

"My friend Joel-"

"Oh, yeah. You don't have a car or a shuttle service pass. Want a helicopter lift?"

He tried not to cringe at the violation of privacy.

"Yeah. I'd appreciate it."

"No problem, throat spiders are a mess. I had my bout last year, had to get my jaw replaced. Anyway. the back stairway leads to the roof, i'll get the door for you."

They dissapeared without another word, and Carlos grabbed his wallet with his ID and the little card that confirmed that he was Joel's roommate and headed up the stairs. Sure enough, the door was waiting open for him and a blue helicopter was parked nearly in the center of a yellow circle. 

To his surprise, Leon was waiting in the helicopter for him. When he made a few questions along those lines Leon smiled.

"Knocking on manhole covers is a lot faster then using the windows, because most of those agents are busy monitoring other people." Carlos mentally filed that information to avoid dealing with it as the helicopter took off and carried them across oldtown and close to the edge of the part of campus reserved for academic buildings before setting down. He wondered if it should make him nervous that the hospital was right next to the science buildings. Naah....

Joel was waiting for them in a wheelchair with bandages wrapped around his neck and jaw. Despite that, he actually seemed pretty happy, and waved enthusiastically when Carlos and Leon came in- The helicopter had parked in the road to make sure they didn't have to cart Joel up three flights of stairs. Oh, don't worry about the traffic, the secret police officer had said, cars aren't real.

Carlos hadn't bothered worrying too much about that one, as currently they were getting Joel up into the helicopter with the help of a handicap ramp. He seemed a little drugged up and foggy, because it didn't seem to occur to him to keep walking at a couple points (unfortunately they'd had to leave the wheelchair) and he kept tipping over. Leon pulled him up into the seat carefully and once Carlos followed they took off again. 

Leon checked the bandages.

"How long do these stay on for?"

"They're gonna need to be changed in a couple hours, and you feed him at those intervals, but give it a few days and he should be fine. There are probably a few open wounds from bites around his jaw."

"No problem then. Is there a helipad on the CVS?"

"of course."

That side trip ended with Carlos playing pack mule for stacks and stacks of bandages and different kinds of creams. 

"Where'd you learn how to do this?" Asked Carlos, balancing the shopping basket as he mentally listed escape plans to avoid being between Leon and Rochelle if there was a medics argument.

"My house burned down last year. I had to learn how to treat wounds pretty quickly."

Carlos went quiet, not quite sure what to say to that. Leon smiled.

"It's alright. Apparently i'm pretty capable, and if you can do it right second degree burns can fade in a year or so with no remaining scarring. My sister's ego was undamaged."

"know anything about spider bites?" Carlos looked at the creams in the bag blankly. 

"Apparently some throat spiders breathe fire, so these wounds are probably going to be what i'm used to. Honestly we're lucky to live in OT, because for all rochelle's prattling we don't have to worry about the whole 'dark magic taint' stuff."

Carlos thought about the angels and swallowed dryly.

"Guess not. But that concerns me anyway. Of course I came here knowing there would be phenomena I didn't know how to handle but...magic. Actual magic, the manipulation of natural forces and phenomena... It's scary. If Josie's....friends...weren't around, I wonder what could happen."

Leon shrugged, but his expression was dark.

"I have to be a bit torn. As a student the opportunities for study and combating problems both here and other places in the world is thrilling. But as a doctor, as a caretaker... It's like a quarantine zone for the world's deadliest diseases and of course I hate to see people hurt. But at least I can learn to help, and at least nightvale seems to know how to handle most of it."He brightened slightly.

"and truth be told, I've never been very religious, but having the aid of beings that can bend reality a bit is pretty damn cool."

Carlos laughed at that. Leon had about summed out how he felt about Nightvale, but as he and Joel had talked about- it was gambling with your life for a chance to do the unimaginable. It had to be worth it.

They made it back up to the helicopter after Leon checked out and made it the rest of the way home in record speed- the silence only broken by a few muffled noises from Joel and Leon's questions about throat spider specific remedies to the helicopter. They got back around time for dinner, and Carlos went into the kitchen to make ramen as Kate and Rochelle left for Big Rico's. 

By the time he'd come back out into the common room Leon had gotten off the bandages and Joel was trying out his new voice- reciting the alphabet, then singing bits of christmas carols and the national anthem. His voice was almost as deep as Cecil's, but with a smoother sound. Cecil's voice sounded like an ocean undertow, Joel's sounded like a hollywood heartthrob- not low enough to be intimidating, but enough to sound serious. Halfway through "silent night" Joel burst out crying, startling Leon. He was left frozen, holding up an antiseptic wipe with a horrified expression.

"I'm sorry, did I do something to the wounds? does it hurt?"

Joel shook his head, wiping his eyes carefully.  


"i'm sorry- You wouldn't know this- but I-" He looked up at Carlos, looking a little nervous. Carlos nodded. He trusted his gut, and he trusted his team, and if Leon reacted badly then Josie could kick him to the curb.

Joel took a deep breath.

"I was born Jamie Eisenburg. My voice-" Leon lifted off his knees where he'd been in front of the couch and sat down, patting Joel on the back.

"I know how it goes. My sister went through four years of voice training. Still gets stressed out about it. I'm glad you got what you wanted."

Joel smiled. well, sorta. the corners of his mouth were a little tight and Carlos suspected he saw some cheek stitches when he spoke. He was definitely being careful. 

"They let me listen to clips. don't know how they did it, they also said each one was unique. It was actually really incredible."

Carlos smiled along with them and thought about how, once again, Nightvale had surprised him. Guess people had a lot of reasons to end up in a place like this one. 

He finally crossed the room to set down the ramen, and Joel ate carefully- Carlos eventually just cut up the noodles into little pieces and gave him a spoon.

 Caroline joined them with a bleary but unharmed Dave a few hours in, and when they heard loud arguing and police sirens from Big Rico's they decided not to wait up for Kate and Rochelle. They'd made it very clear that they could handle themselves.

Between taking care of Joel's bandages and a movie marathon of gruesome Disney rewrites they ended up asleep on the couches as somewhere, far away, a radio said

_Goodnight, Nightvale. Goodnight._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: the shape in grove park.


	12. The Shape in Grove Park

Breakfast was angel made oatmeal, waiting in the kitchen by the time everyone started to wake up. It was just as Carlos was starting to blink sleep out of his eyes and Leon started to change Joel's bandages- still sitting where he'd fallen asleep the night before- that Kate came back into the dorm. Her normally impeccably smooth black hair was torn looking, and a chunk of it looked like it had literally been cut off with a pair of scissors.

Caroline, sitting up and hugging her blanket to her chest, tilted her head at kate and asked in a misty tone-

"What happened at Big Rico's...?"

"I hope no one was too fond of Rochelle." It was all she said before she walked up the stairs. 

They all looked at Dave, still asleep with Caroline's legs over his knees.

"...She probably deserved it." Joel finally offered.

Leon inclined his head in something like agreement, still focused on the wounds.

Caroline yawned.

"Well while you guys were picking up Joel she did say some really strange stuff that made the angels- who obviously don't exist-" she glanced at a window.

"I mean, she made Josie's very tall friends really upset. And um,I was thinking she seemed to know a little bit more about nightvale then she should. Kate was gonna ask her about it and well..."

Carlos thought about the herbal remedies and something about black magic. He shrugged, figuring that Kate would explain when she felt comfortable, and at least she hadn't been bloody. Maybe there was a cleaner explanation. He doubted it, but he could hope.

 

Around the time they'd all settled in for breakfast there was a strange red light flooding in all of the windows. Carlos was about to get up to investigate when Josie came down the stairs, power walking into the kitchen and pulling all the curtains closed.

"Sorry dears. I'm afraid you're going to be stuck inside today."

A strange shadow rolled past the window- quivering and indescribable. Caroline went bug eyed, running mathematical sequences in her head.

"What-"

An angel put a hand over her mouth, and made a quiet "ssssshhh." noise.

Josie smiled.

"there are things in Nightvale that it is safer not to talk about."

"...ah."

 Caroline looked like she was about to be ill. Joel wasn't paying much attention, focused on eating carefully, and Leon was keeping a close eye on him. 

Carlos scrambled for something else to talk about, and pulled the first idea that came to mind-

"Um, Miss Josie, do any of your friends know how to cut hair?"


	13. Some changes to the curriculum

"Cecil's having a hell of an existential crisis."

Carlos was watching Leon spoon-feed Joel and stirring the chicken tortilla soup he'd been working on absent-mindedly. Well, not entirely absent-mindedly. He was quite focused on ignoring Dave (who'd taken the news that he wasn't going to get that bowling date pretty well all things considered). 

"Carlos."

"Yes?"

"He thinks he's all alone in an empty universe."

"That's not my business." Carlos was keeping his promise to not listen to the radio with devoted ferocity, especially considering that he'd been hearing snippets of existential terror and concern for the radio host's life all day. But Cecil  was a nightvale native. He could handle it. 

"He doesn't know what the moon is."

"Well when he gets home tonight we can tell him all about it. Or- Kate can."

Kate- graduate of a summer astronomy program- nodded at the acknowledgement and continued focusing on her sudoku, an empty bowl next to her. The Angel (Erika) who'd volunteered to help her with the hackjob of a haircut had done a pretty good job. Her formerly long hair was a pixie with side bangs, dots of it highlighted a peroxide blonde (when they'd complimented the pattern she'd said to thank Rochelle's acid swinging arm and they hadn't pressed the subject further.) Rochelle had not been seen again, but a sheriff's police officer had tapped out a message on Carlos's window in morse code that said she was "Municipally Dead". Thank god for code hobbies. he hadn't thought that would ever come in handy, but then again, he'd also never thought he'd end up in a place like Nightvale.

He hadn't mentioned it to the others. He was feeling a hollow kind of shock, but honestly, he'd been in a few lab accidents interning. He'd seen things, and then more in Nightvale. This wasn't more then he could handle, but he didn't wanna push the others. 

Dave gave up and switched tactics.

"Apparently the school's had some interesting changes."

"Oh?" That had Carlos's attention. He hadn't exactly had time to check much of Nightvale's academic record, especially since every time he'd tried his computer had pulled up a terrifying optical illusion of the void with red blocky letters that read something in a strange runic language, then said underneath in smaller letters "It is not yet time. It is not yet time. The choices are coming. So are the consequences."

He'd just told his parents the website was down. Some things really defy explanation.

"No more live ammo drills."

"Tragic." Carlos deadpanned.

"Geology is adding a new type of rock."

Carlos turned.

"They've discovered-"

"no."

"Ah." 

He went back to stirring.

"Math and English are switching names."

"I guess I'll have to remember to register for Math 101."

"New blindfolds in astronomy to protect from the endless terror of the void."

"That's what glasses are for." 

Carlos smiled at Kate's interjection. 

"That's a good point."

Dave was pouting at his failure to rile anyone.

"Pluto has been declared imaginary."

"Logical next step."

"New languages. Double Spanish, Weird Spanish, Coptic Spanish, Russian, and Unmodified Sumerian."

That got Carlos's attention.

"What the HELL is double spanish."

Dave made an exaggerated shrug, trying to look innocent. 

"Maybe it's combined weird spanish and coptic spanish."

"The FUCK is coptic-"

Caroline, chopping vegetables next to him, cut him off with a pat on the shoulder.

He sighed deeply and went back to the soup, gesturing for Caroline to dump in the contents of the cutting board.

Dave was content, and with his small success in hand he put his headphones back in to listen to the radio. 


	14. Them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carlos and the scientists' peaceful existence is about to come to a screaming halt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for this chapter being a lot more intense then any of the one's previous.

The evening and the night went uneventfully, a blur of supply runs and cooking, more lab tests and finally, breaking out the course listings they got from one of Josie's tall friends. They exchanged notes on which classes to take, who could take which classes together, what the requirements were and so on. Cecil walked in halfway through and excitedly asked Carlos what science he was taking.

Carlos gave him a thousand yard stare.  
  


"All of them."

Cecil looked like he was about to panic, then Carlos smiled and showed him the schedules. They'd plotted out second choices and everything was about ready for registration, which was coming right up (Carlos wasn't sure what the hell went on with time in Nightvale, but he felt too much like he was losing it). Cecil paid extra attention to Carlos's schedule, and Carlos pretended not to notice. 

The next day, and week, and next week, were uneventful. Time blurred on and lab tests slowly grew more and more elaborate as they got a sense for what they were testing for. Dave expanded his field a little bit and took on more. But Caroline seemed to be getting more and more stressed and fidgety, vanishing for hours during the day. She always came back with supplies for Joel or for dinner, and often she cooked, but it always seemed like she was trying to hide something.

No one gave her a hard time about it. Some people have to have secrets, and she always gave them so much data when it was her turn to collect it that it would have been an insult to call her distracted. But still, something was wrong. 

Then came the blackouts. 

They were at the lab- backup generators, even a few jars full of weird luminescent creatures Cecil had taught them how to feed. She wasn't, and within a few moments of the blackouts being mentioned on the radio she came blasting through the doorway, clutching a box in her hands and looking almost manic. Dave had to calm her down. No one else could talk to her, she was shaking and mumbling about her purpose and the point of it all.

Kate vanished for a minute, and when she returned she was bearing tea and Caroline's favorite angel-made lemon scones. She calmed down considerably once she'd eaten and drunk a little.

Carlos approached, a little wary.

"Caroline, we can check your cells if you want. We have the equipment. If you really were- um, replaced- then we'll tell you. But I think you're okay." 

Dave shot him a wary look, but when Caroline agreed they set to it. Carlos was unsurprised by the results.

"All normal. You are the same as you always have been."

Caroline took a deep breath, and let it out again slow. 

"...Sorry."

"Hey, it's alright- Hey I know what might make you feel better. Can you draw a scale and structurally sound bridge diagram?"

As it turns out, labeling and designing the drawbridge did manage to occupy Caroline, and once Kate settled in next to her to fill her in with material information she was practically herself again. 

Nevertheless, Carlos couldn't quite shake off the feeling that something was still off. Maybe it was the hum in the air. Without knowing quite way he followed it, outside, down the street, as the static rose in his mind and whispered to him. children. He should bring...he should serve.... He was nearly at the dog park gates before hands closed around his arms.

"Carlos what the Hell-" Leon cut himself off with a little squeak of terror as he backpedalled. There were hooded figures coming out of the dog park. Kate had his other arm, but even she looked nervous as they both spun Carlos around and hauled him away- still dazed.

The hooded figures were closing in. Carlos could feel a cold tearing, like a pull on his soul. His feet wouldn't move, and he was stumbling along, really mostly dragged. The yank hurt- the static hurt- the compulsion to sacrifice something to the dog park, to be consumed by the dog park-

Kate could hear it now too, but she was holding her stoic expression with the kind of determination tightrope walkers dream of. Leon might have already pissed his pants but he was running as fast as he could go. It wasn't fast enough, not with Carlos's weight. They couldn't get away. The hooded figures were gaining fast.

Suddenly there was a glaring light, and the sound of hawks shrieking. Kate and Leon both looked into the spotlight, and Leon went far paler then a face his tone was ever meant to be. Kate's perfect skin glowed in the beam- it must have been something unusual because the hooded figures were running- or rather, gliding, at faster then their pursuit. Carlos was on the ground now, they couldn't hold him and they weren't sure if they'd have to fight. Well, that's what Kate was thinking. Leon was mostly wondering if he was going to die.

It was a yellow helicopter, with elaborate murals of birds of prey diving, and it was hanging in the air the way a stormcloud hangs on the horizon. Then came the lightning. 

The beams intensified, to the point the world vanished into blinding light that turned a dark shade of violet. Carlos was long gone, passed out from the pain of the noise and the light. Leon was next, screaming till the last second. Kate stood, alone in a world of blinding light for a few more seconds, staring into the light with glasses that had gone dark. And in that last possible second she saw a face through the window- a girl with blue eyes and blond hair.

Then she hit the pavement, and she was somewhere else.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "There is no digital, staticky hum coming from the dog park," Mayor Pamela Winchell announced today. The mayor stressed repeatedly in her 90-second impromptu press conference that there is no unbearable, soul-tearing sound that rips at the sinews of your very being coming from the dog park. Mayor Winchell continued with a plea for all Night Vale residents to understand that there could not possibly be a deeply-coded message emanating from a small, fenced-in patch of municipal grass and dirt. "Citizens are not even supposed to be consciously aware of the dog park, so they could not possibly be receiving a menacing and unearthly voice instructing listeners to bring precious metals and toddlers to the dog park! DOG PARK," she repeated, "that could NEVER, EVER BE REAL," the mayor shouted, pounding the podium with her bleeding fists. There were no follow-up questions.


	15. Horoscopes

Kate woke up dimly aware that she was laying in the street and there was a piece of paper laying on her face. It was taking a while to glue together the rest of reality. Slowly, cautiously like she thought it might bite her- she pulled the piece of paper off her face and took a long look at it.

 

**_CONGRATULATIONS!!!_ **

**_YOU'VE WON A BRAND NEW CAR!_ **

It was then that she became aware of a large shape to her left. She turned her head.

"Huh."

It was a matte black ferrari. Anywhere else she would have suspected someone just pawned a stolen car off on her, but this was Nightvale. She'd take her chances. And anywhere else the car would have been stolen in the time she'd been out. And well, it was sitting on top of Carlos. Not crushing him, and he wasn't run over, it just seemed to have materialized on top of him. Considering how low to the ground the car was it was a damn good thing the front wheels were on a curb. 

Next to her, on the curb, Leon groaned.

"Morning." She wasn't sure that was right, since her watch didn't work, but the sun seemed to be in the right place for it. The temperatures were cool.

He looked up at her, then at the ferrari bumper two inches from his head.

"Am I dead?"

"No. Something saved us."

"Did I piss my pants?"

"Probably."

Before they could say any more there was a should and the sound of pounding feet. They looked up. Cecil was sprinting full tilt down the street, a vision in fluffy spotted pants and a print t-shirt.

"Are you all okay?! They wouldn't let us out of the dorm last night-!"

He reached them, panting and barely standing.

"Relax, Cecil. We're fine. It's a good thing the others couldn't follow us out. but what happened?"

He looked at her blankly, like it should have been obvious.

"Them. The helicopters. the secret police didn't leave the carnation until this morning, and everyone was still asleep because they stayed up so late last night waiting."

Kate thought for a moment of the face out of the helicopter, then of Dave and Joel worried sick. She wondered if they'd been given up for dead.

She considered telling Cecil about what had happened, but the helicopters were feared. They might be suspected of something if their savior was revealed. She decided to change tactics.

"Why are there no cars on the road? well, with an exception..." She looked at the Ferrari.

Cecil looked up at it.

"Oh, you're a pisces- CARLOS!"

He dived past Kate, pulling Carlos's still gently sleeping form out from underneath the car.

Cecil fretted for a while, checking Carlos's vitals and muttering a few odd chants, before telling Kate that the road authority had declared cars imaginary over the radio and no one had wanted to take the risk that they'd been made illegal without telling anyone. Kate nodded along, trying to process as much information as she could.

In all honesty, she was still stuck thinking about that helicopter. She tried to ask Cecil about Them, but he simply made the municipally agreed signal for forbidden knowledge (shushing) and changed the subject. Eventually she located the car keys in her breast pocket and they loaded Carlos into the back. She found a towel in the trunk to set down on Leon's seat, and once everyone was in she drove home, mind still in a whirl.

_What was Caroline doing with Them?  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carlos- Taurus- today is your annual Crime Day. All Tauruses are exempt from laws today.  
> Kate- Pisces- YOU'VE WON A BRAND NEW CAR!!!  
> Leon-Aquarius- the white ball will be under the middle shell. Trust the stars. Invest all your money in this lucrative street game.  
> Caroline- Aries- you will feel a haunting sadness about times gone by. Today's smell is wheatgrass and toast.  
> Dave- Libra-your dreams will be filled with prophetic visions. Write them down. Hopefully, there are some lottery numbers or sports scores in there!  
> Joel-Gemini- you will meet someone today who will have no effect on your life, and who you will immediately forget. Retain hope for a possible future.


	16. History Week

Rather then deal with the chaos and near death experiences by talking about it or dealing with it at all, the group of scientists silently and unanimously took the week as a hiatus. There were some rough plans made to regroup for the lee marvin film retrospective Saturday, and then they split.

Kate and Leon went off to help with some art projects Carlos was a little foggy on. Caroline left a vague note about catching up with an old friend and then vanished in the middle of the night into a helicopter painted with elaborate murals of birds of prey diving. Joel went to go help old woman Josie with some digging. And then it was just Dave and Carlos, who'd been on the couch watching shitty romance movies for the better part of two days.

Carlos honestly thought that Dave was going to snap when Carlos nearly started crying during _10 things I hate about you_ but instead the psych major scooted up to him and offered a shoulder and some popcorn. Carlos settled into Dave's side, content. He tensed up a bit when the psych major put an arm over his shoulders during _Princess Bride_ but Dave just lifted the arm slightly.

"This okay? I promise, i'm just a cuddler."

Carlos smiled and gave him a shoulder nudge. Dave smiled and settled his arm, returning to focus on the movie. Carlos knew the vibe. It was the same one he gave girls he got physically close to. Warm bodies were nice, sometimes that's all it had to be.  Normally that was the kind of thing that freaked him the fuck out, but he did trust Dave. His entire team had saved each others lives. He'd earned the benefit of the doubt.

They were in the middle of _Sleepless in Seattle_ when Cecil got home from the broadcast. He looked just the tiniest bit put out by Carlos and Dave on the couch, but if he was any more bitter then that he didn't show it. Carlos scooted over, patting the couch.

"Do you like romantic comedies?"

~

Kate walked in that evening covered in glue and colored glass to the three of them huddled together on the couch watching _Legally Blond_ with the kind of rapt attention other (lesser, in her opinion) men watched football games or presidential race announcements. She smiled and walked over, perching on the arm of the chair.

Hours later Kate was in Dave's lap, Cecil was practically in Carlos's, with Dave's arm still around Carlos's shoulders and the other around Kate's waist. Leon and Joel were cuddling in the armchair. Caroline walked in and for a while, just kind of stood in the doorway, quiet. For a long while she didn't quite feel able to join them. Then dave turned and waved the arm formerly around kate's waist.

"Carlos's still got lap room!"

She smiled, it coming easier then it had in a long time.

"I'll take the side, it's okay."

But she fell asleep across Carlos and Cecil, and Cecil fell asleep on Carlos's shoulder, and they all settled into each other and dropped off one by one, until only a groggy leon muttered something grumpy about how of course they'd fall asleep during HIS favorite movie, turned off the Tv, and dropped onto Joel's chest.


	17. The Lights in Radon Canyon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team goes camping, and carlos thinks about feelings.

The next evening Kate came home to Dave and Carlos on the couch with her arms filled with grocery bags. She looked at the TV with mild interest.

"Which movie is this?"

Carlos turned, gaping.

"You haven't seen Tommorowland?"

"Oh. You've moved on to Disney."

"well, this is the last one.."

"Good." Kate bounced a bag.

"I got a new car. We're going camping."

Dave flipped his head over the back of the couch, giving her an upside down look of confusion.

She smiled. Carlos had to wonder at the fact that when he'd met he wasn't sure if she even COULD smile.

"There are new lights and I think we should all go look at them. And I sold the car for camping supplies. So we're going."

"Wait, you got a NEW new car or is this the other new car or the first new car..." Dave had been the only one even trying to keep track of Kate's new car luck.

"Sold the second-newest car and donated the third one. I'm keeping the first and forth. And Carlos has been driving the hybrid. It seems to like him better then me. It bit me."

Dave didn't even react to that, just shrugged and ran a hand through his sand-colored hair.

"We'll finish the movie while we wait for everybody then?"

" Leon's helping one of Josie's tall friends - Who aren't angels- with a sprained...hypothetical wing." Carlos supplied.

"We appreciate your diligence!" yelled a window.

Kate waved at a bugged lightfixture and then replied-

"Joel'll be back in a bit won't he? and I already picked up Caroline from a random spot in the sandwastes. She fell asleep on the sleeping bag pile. And Cecil won't be back tonight."

"Oh?"

Kate smiled blandly.

"Caroline is fine and safe, thanks for your concern over something OTHER then your boy toy-"

Carlos flushed.

"He is not- Is she really? Not dehydrated?"

Kate shook her head.

"Just fine. A little disoriented. Tired. And-" She adjusted her glasses, more out of habit then need. 

"Cecil's just at a dinner or something. He was pretty vague about it."

Carlos's heart gave a kind of painful twist in his chest. He ignored it like the city council had declared that it didn't exist.

Dave took the uncomfortable silence that followed as an invitation to bellow out "CAMPING." and hop off the couch. Before Carlos knew what was happening he had been lifted and was being fireman carried out the door.

"You remember when you guys respected me and called me boss? I remember those days. They were nice." Carlos mumbled into Dave's lower back.

Dave laughed.

"Remember when I got you drunk to try to get to know you better and called it research?"

Carlos was too grumpy to be stunned.

"That backfired a bit."

"Nah. You got to get cute with someone you like, and I got to talk to Caroline about stats. It was a successful night."

"I never said I like him." Carlos grumbled. He was set down in the backseat of Kate's new landrover and Dave gave him a quick hug.

"You never had to. Anywho. I'm going to go carry Joel and Leon out here the same way- Boss." Dave smiled and walked off, whistling. Carlos settled into the seat, pouting a bit and thinking.

_Did he like Cecil?_

He couldn't deny a physical attraction. That wasn't even a question. But-

He thought about Cecil crying by the ocean. Drunk and inviting. Dancing with him. He thought about his voice, his hands, his smile. 

Carlos flushed.

_Shit._

_SHIT._

No. No. No. Even if Cecil flirted. Not going to happen. He might just want a hookup- and that wasn't something Carlos was really prepared to go into. Not with Cecil. 

Maybe he was just teasing. It'd be easy to make sport of playing a freshman.

But...

Carlos grimaced. No. No. No. Science. His one true love was SCIENCE.

Kate knocked on the Car window. Carlos jumped.  
She smiled.

"You're making faces like you're arguing with yourself. Scoot over, no one wants to get in on the street side- Caroline managed to get close to a ghost car and I sure as hell don't wanna get hit by one-"

He obliged, and Dave passed Kate to dump joel into the back. Leon followed him in, griping at Dave. Kate climbed over the console to the driver's side, and once Dave was in they were off, and Carlos finally heard the small snoring sounds from behind him. He looked over the back of his seat.

Kate had been true to her word. Caroline was half curled around a grocery bag, very much asleep. 

"Is she safe back there?"

"I'm driving carefully."

She was, and after a while they were headed in the direction of the auditorium.

"Um. Kate. Where exactly-"

"Radon Canyon." she said matter-of-factly.

"kay."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carlos is still convinced he misheard the first announcement about him, and is now enthusiastically editing his memory.


	18. Harlot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reeducation and camping

They camped and talked Nightvale science, watching the lights in Radon canyon with almost jaded boredom. Normally there'd be a frenzy of activity, but tonight they all just assumed that whatever in the canyon was a city hall approved plan to kill them all, and accepted that really, tomorrow might be the day they they all die, but at least they had a camping trip. 

 

Then, out of nowhere, a massive billboard appeared between them and the lights in the canyon. They all stared at it blankly for a moment, then the peace was broken.

"What the fuck is that." Managed Kate. It wasn't really a question.

"Well." Carlos settled against the trunk of the car.

"From this angle, it looks like a giant billboard with a picture of a sandwich and the world 'Harlot' written on it."

"Thank you Carlos. Anything to add?" Kate massaged her forehead.

Dave spoke up.

"Well it appears to be a turkey sandwich..."

 

Leon stood and pulled on a pair of gloves.

"Who's up for a lab trip?"

"Nah. Get samples and we'll stress about it in the morning..." Carlos closed his eyes for a moment, but when he opened them again the giant billboard was  _still fucking there._

He sighed.

"So is anyone else really freaked out about the fact that there are lights in the highly radioactive canyon...?"

"Yes."

"Alright. I give. Let's get some tests."

 

__

 

The next morning found them all restless in the lab, a grocery bag of empty red bull cans next to the door and the smell of coffee hanging over the place. They were still trying to figure out how anything in the canyon could actually be ALIVE when the police officer arrived at the door with a basket of white and purple pieces of paper and asked them to draw in a grave voice.

Everyone came out fine, except Dave, who went last.

He looked at the purple piece of paper in his hand with a deep frown. The secret police officer was waiting for something- screaming, begging. The rest of the scientists were staring at Dave with horror.

Dave turned to the officer.

"Sorry, but what color is this? I don't THINK it's white but I really can't tell what color it is."

The officer blinked.

"You can't tell?"

"Colorblind. It's on my medical records."

"Oh. Well i've got good news and bad news."

"Bad news?"

"We're taking you away."

"Shit."

"The good news is we're not feeding you to the wolves. You're going in for color re-education."

 

 

They spent the rest of the day desperately trying to figure out what the hell color re-education was and how to help someone to recover from it, and were thus occupied when Cecil knocked and poked his head through the door.

"Can I come in? I brought coffee."

Carlos was too flustered to turn around, but he heard Caroline's exhausted voice welcome him in and Joel half-yell a greeting.

"Can't be long- I'm off to the radio. I wanted to ask if there was- anything,...scientific going on? Something you'd want to ask...our listeners?"

Cecil's tone was so coy Carlos's face was burning just from hearing it.

 "Actually-" Carlos furiously ran his fingers through his hair.

"Actually, um-....." His stomach gave out.

"Um, I...I'll go by the station later. There might be something."

_

 

Carlos went into the station with half a mind to ask Cecil about weekend plans, and came stumbling out having made a half hysterical ramble about being scared of the lights and scared for everyone in Nightvale. 

Wonderful.

He walked home alongside one of the odd billboards being carried along by a dog, a little grouchy, and wondered if he was ever going to get used to this town.


End file.
